I tried to start this entry last night... I wanted to write... but I didn't wind up doing it..now I still want to write and it is all gone from me. Yesterday was a strange day for me. It was a great day. I had fun in class, my art projects are going well... but my day still felt odd. I wound up crying by the end of the day... I am hoping it is just PMS. I pay much more attention to my depressive episodes these days, particularly since I have been off my meds. I have to monitor my lows as well as my highs and moderate them. Not just for the bi-polar, but for the possible Lupus.
I have been in a funk for a while now, my apartment shows it. I have been trying to clean it for a month, unsuccessfully. There are all good reasons why it hasn't been done... but there are more bad reason why it hasn't been done. I just haven't felt up to it. The thing is I have never let it get this dirty before, and it is really bothering me. The state of my apartment usually mirrors the state of my mind and heart... usually a healthy livable look, not the clutter and junk that is now overflowing my place.
I guess the real issue I am not really dealing with is how I feel about everything going on in my heart. I haven't really touched it, I have just sort of let it be, and adopted a wait and see attitude.
That attitude is good, but I need to get more proactive about things now. I need to do some spring cleaning.
God,
Are you listening right now...help me make the right decisions... help me not to let you or my heart down again.
d
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